How to Become More Confident Around Women In 3 Simple Steps

Let’s talk about confidence.

Girls always say that they love confidence in guys.

As I was growing up, it always felt like girls would always go for the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on a girl, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything.

This makes it especially difficult because as men, we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. And this can mean having to step way, way out of your comfort zone.

How are we supposed to be confident when it comes to dating, then?

I’m not going to give you some generic advice such as “fake it until you make it” or “just be confident.” You’ve probably already heard that enough times already.

Instead, I’m going to show you the three steps that I used to finally become confident around women.

Step 1: Understand the Psychology of Confidence

The first step is to understand how the psychology of confidence works.

Simply put, confidence reflects how much faith you have in yourself that you are able to complete a task successfully. This is influenced by your experience as well as the amount of risk involved, and it’s an evolutionary survival tool designed for keeping you out of trouble.

Imagine that you’re in the jungle with a friend and your companion decides that he’s going to fight a lion with his bare hands. You, on the other hand, don’t feel confident about the idea of doing so. One of you is going to be okay and the other… probably not so much.

In order to improve your confidence, you need to build the relevant skills and experience that allow you to have more faith in yourself around what you are trying to accomplish.

Think about the first time that you drove a car. Do you remember how you felt when you first pressed that gas pedal? How you felt when you pulled out into traffic the first time? And how you felt when you drove onto the highway for the first time?

You probably felt a little nervous or unsure of yourself. After all, you had no experience other than studying the textbook in drivers’ ed class. How do you feel when you drive a car today?

By now, you’ve been driving for hundreds and hundreds of hours. You have a lot more experience and a lot of it just feels like second nature to you. Because of this, you have a lot more faith in your driving abilities today which makes you much more confident than when you were first starting out.

Let’s apply this to dating.

Confidence around dating involves gaining the skills and experiences that allow you to have more faith in yourself around women. One of the most powerful ways for you to approach this is to adopt a growth mindset.

Someone who has a growth mindset knows that their skills and abilities can always be improved. They believe that they have the power to improve themselves and they see failure as opportunities for improvement rather than becoming discouraged by it.

The opposite is a fixed mindset. Someone with a fixed mindset believes that their skills and abilities can’t be changed. They might say things like “I just don’t have what takes” or “I’ll never be as good as he is” or “I’m just not good at this.” Each of these sentences implies some sort of helplessness.

It might take some time to switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, especially if you’ve been following it since you were young. By learning to recognize these types of thoughts as they pop up and then realize that they aren’t true, you’ll slowly be able to adopt the new mindset.

Step 2: Give Out Drive-By Compliments

The next step is to build up your courage by doing some drive-by compliments. To do this, you give someone a genuine compliment and then vanish.

Here are some examples:

– Nice shirt/shoes/pants/jacket!
– Your hair is awesome!
– You are a beautiful woman!
– Looking good!
– Your dog is so cute!

This sounds deceptively simple and yet is really awesome.

First and foremost, you cannot possibly be shot down by the people that you approach. Since you are not asking for anything, you risk no social rejection. And you will long be on your merry way before it can ever become awkward.

In addition, you probably made the day of everyone that you complimented. Think about it, the person you just talked to might have been having a really rough day. Suddenly, you step out of the shadows and brighten their mood with a compliment before disappearing into the night again. You’re now the mysterious stranger who went out of his way to make someone else’s day better.

Like Batman. Seriously! (Bonus points if you actually do this dressed as Batman.)

Now, the first few times you do this may feel daunting. That’s perfectly okay! When I first started giving out drive-by compliments, I was absolutely terrified. I tried to say “Looking good” to a jogger as she ran past me but I was so nervous that my voice squeaked as if I had just taken a huge breath of helium. Yikes!

After I did this a few times, my fear of approaching people started to melt away. It quickly became much easier to go up to strangers and interact with them. And seeing the smiles on the faces of everyone you talk to really makes it worth it!

Giving out drive-by compliments might feel scary at first, but it will become so much easier after the first few times. After you do this, your fear of approaching other people — including any girls that you may have your eyes on — will start to melt away.

Step 3: Start Random Conversations With Strangers

Finally, we’re going to begin some random conversations with strangers.

This is a little more daunting than drive by compliments. Here, you can get rejected. You can get shot down. And it is possible to make it totally awkward.

That’s okay. Remember that we’re using a growth mindset. If you’re playing a video game and you lose a life, do you turn the game off and never play it again? Of course not! You dust yourself off, learn what didn’t work so well, and try again! It’s the same thing here.

If you try to start a conversation with someone and it ends up becoming awkward, that’s okay. Don’t get down on yourself, and instead try to understand why it didn’t go so well. Did you say something that killed the conversation? Did you try to make a joke or tell a story that didn’t quite hit the mark? Maybe it wasn’t anything you did and the other person just didn’t feel like talking.

My recommendation is to start small. Instead of starting off by trying to chat up Megan Fox or Scarlet Johansson, set the bar a little lower and just try talking to the cashier the next time you go grocery shopping. Ask her how her day is. Maybe she’ll engage you. Or maybe not, which is also completely fine.

After that, I suggest stepping it up a little bit. The next time you are waiting in line at the coffee shop, turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself.

Another conversation starter you can try is to compliment someone and then ask them a related question instead of disappearing. So, you could say something like “Nice shirt!” and then follow up with “Is it new?” or “Where did you buy it?” Another example is to say “Your dog is so cute!” and then follow up with “What’s his name?” or “What kind of dog is he?”

In my experience, talking about weather kills conversations. It’s cliché and impersonal to try to have a conversation about the weather.

On the other hand, asking people questions about themselves often gives me good results. Everyone has an ego. If you can tap into someone else’s ego by asking them about themselves and then showing that you’re interested in what they have to say, they’ll probably talk your ear off.

Get out there and try making random conversations with strangers. You’ll get some practice talking to people and you’ll become skilled at making a conversation flow and keeping it engaging.

Being Confident Around Women

Did going through these three exercises really help me become more confident?

A little while ago, I was in the coffee shop and I happened to run into this stunningly gorgeous woman. The old Steve would have sat there paralyzed, unable to go up and talk to her. But this time was different.

This time I didn’t worry about being rejected or getting embarrassed. I didn’t feel a crippling fear holding me back or hear that voice in my head telling me that she’ll probably just turn me down.

And you know what the best part was?

For the first time, I was able to relax and just have FUN talking to a girl I liked.

Once you perfect the art of going up to random people and starting conversations, you’re going to build up a lot of faith in yourself. This will make you more confident. Naturally confident.

And you won’t ever have to fake it.

About the Author: Steven Zawila is an introvert and bookworm who runs the website charmingintrovert.com which provides authentic dating advice to introvert men about where to meet women, what to say to her, and how to be confident around her.


How to Improve Your SEO SEM Using Social Median Platforms

Social media is usually fun but SEO can be boring. So how about using your social media to boost your Dating Site’s SEO/SEM? Sounds interesting, does it not? There are many ways you can actually use your social media online presence to benefit your dating sites search rankings.

This article will be serving as a guide on how you can use your strong social media existence and get noticed more often in the search results.

How to Customize Dating Site Build Links

Google has always given importance to link building. Previously it just used to be links with no importance given on the quality. This made life easier for a lot of marketers since they started stuffing their content with links of lesser quality. Google was quick to change its algorithm and now gives more importance to quality links.

Links on almost every major social media platform is considered quality. This is because social sites have higher web authority. This is the reason why your Facebook page might even stand better than your dating website in the search results. Make sure that a link to your website in included on every social profile that you have and also to include it in posts from time to time.

How to Get and Collect Your Social Media Followers

When it comes to huge number of followers, the numbers don’t only look good on your profile but also helps a great deal with your overall SEO strategy. Now, you don’t have to a celebrity to have thousands of followers – what you need to do is post relevant stuff and you will be automatically followed. Here it is also worth mentioning that correct use of hashtags (#) can also be very useful in building up your social media profiles.

Pages with high number of real followers are ranked high in search results. By real followers we mean followers who interact or engage with you at some level. Engagement and interactions might include retweets, favourites, sharing your post, commenting on your post, etc. These are also called social signals and play a vital role in improving your SEO. Search engines analyse your social media sites and signals to find out how often do you post and how do you interact with your followers.

Just make sure that everything you’re posting is relevant and continuous. This tactic will help you build a stronger followers base, which will in return improve your SEO.

Making Your Dating Site’s Content Attractive & More Visible

When it comes to sharing nothing beats Pinterest. In fact, if you are not willing to share on this great social media platform you will have nothing else to do.

There are many social media sites, which allow you to socialize privately, that is not everyone is allowed to interact with but only those you want to. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. all have privacy levels. Setting a higher privacy level, according to us is equivalent to killing the purpose of social media – especially when you talk about your dating business’s social media existence.

An ideal business social media page should be public, everything you share must reach maximum people, it should be searchable and inviting people to connect. Talking about Facebook in particular, there is an option which lets search engine sniff through your timeline. This option must be enabled in order to make your business more visible. To do this, go to Facebook’s privacy settings and enable “do you want other search engines to link to your timeline?”

The number of times your post gets shared increase your page’s visibility is search results. So, while sharing on social media, make sure that your content is shareable, attractive and posted at the right time.

Using Keywords Effectively in Social Media Posts

Keywords are probably the most important factor for any SEO campaign. You just can’t achieve your goals if you don’t know your keywords and not using them sensibly.

How to come up with keywords is something that trouble most digital marketers. The best way to find quality long and short keyword is by doing extensive research. This means, knowing more about your target and niche audience, what they are looking for online and how the majority of them use social media. You can use keywords on Facebook as hashtags or simply phrases, on Twitter and Pinterest as hashtags and so on… Using keywords in your post, status, tweet, blog post will actually bring more traffic to your social media pages and this in turn will help improving your SEO.

Local Listings are also Important

Last but not the least, it is very important for any dating business – no matter what type to have listing on Google +. Here you must include your important information like address, website and contact details etc. People who are looking for your company specifically, on Google will be seeing this information. You can also ask some of your customers to leave a review on your Google + page as Google always ranks pages with quality and organic reviews.

Social media is a great tool for any type of online marketing campaign and also has a great influence in improving the overall SEO of your business’s online face.

Constant changes to the search engine’s algorithm make it hard for online marketers to use the best practice and stay on top but SEO is way too important to even think about avoiding and when it comes to social media playing its part in improving the SEO – it can really make a big impact on your search rankings and your online dating business.


See also: How to Use and Measure Social Media for Internet Dating Sites