Have you ever wondered how to talk to woman?

By golly, you’ve actually met a woman.

Maybe you’re in bar. Maybe you’re at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she’s someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you’re actually out on a date.

In any event, now you’ve got to do something scary, something unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end one before it even gets started. YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can’t think of anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the “right” thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don’t. When your average gent converses with a woman, he’s basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will “connect” with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the “Don Juan” way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what doesn’t, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don’t want to leave her feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that’s what we’re going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic relationship.

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Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they’re “impressing” the women when, in reality, they’re “depressing” the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you’re saying doesn’t necessarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away… and never come back.

So key number one is DON’T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say next. Focus all your attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or “feel” what she’s saying.

This does take a little effort. It’s not very hard to do, but it’s not something that men “naturally” do. You simply have to concentrate.

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Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any “seeds” or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It’s pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It’s almost as if she’s testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the “right” thing to say?

Well… she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly “watered the seeds” by asking a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there? f) What’s it like there?

Kim’s two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on. Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she’d like to talk about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry about what to say next because the other person is “telling” you exactly what to say.

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How to Eliminate Neediness and Desperation From Your Personality.

If you are a regular guest, I’m sure by now you are well aware of the fact that women are not attracted to guys who crave too much attention from them and despair around members of the fairer sex.

Simply put neediness and desperation is an instant turn-off for women.

So yeah, if you are an aspiring Don Juan you must never display traits of neediness or desperation to women such as calling her often, pouring out all your feelings when you barely even know her, etc.

“Aaah, I already know that,” or “Easier said than done” you might be saying right now.

The Best Way to Eliminate Neediness

Without wasting much time let me introduce you to the best technique you can use to completely rid yourself of the needy-and-desperate you that sets women on their heels every time.

To erase the neediness and desperation that’s setting you back in the dating game you must adopt one important principle: LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT WOMEN.

I deduced this from a core principle of mine: To attract women you must learn to live without women.

You must be saying to yourself “WTF?” or asking yourself “What does this have to do with eliminating neediness and desperation?”

Allow me to explain.

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Women Can Smell Your Desperation

You know most guys cannot survive without that one call or text from a certain girl each day and act as if their own happiness depends on that one girl. Most guys can’t stand being single and will completely freak out or break down if they get dumped or a relationship ends.

Weak, desperate, needy, clingy, and desperate guys carry this mindset around and it’s a big reason they don’t have the success with women they really want.

Whatever is happening in your mind shows up in your behavior — WOMEN SMELL YOUR DESPERATION!

So instead of being needy, if you’re not freaking out and OK with not having a girlfriend, women will see you as laid back, cool, collected, calm, and confident and it’ll earn you cool points with the ones you want.

You must never depend on any girl for your own happiness. As such, your life must be stress-free, blissful and happy even without women. Never “need’ a girl or woman to be happy.

Take a Break From Dating Women

Honestly, life has millions of things to offer other than the female sex. Indulge in these worthwhile activities. Take a break from dating women for a while.

Read more and subsequently improve your vocabulary and knowledge.
Be informed on current political, social and economic issues.
Dedicate some of your time to your family (and trust me, you’ll never regret this!).
Go out and meet other people, both women and men from all walks of life. Never mind the age, background or culture. This will not only widen your social circle but gives you several perspectives on life that will one day prove useful.
Work on your style and fashion sense.
Take note of your body and work towards improving your health.
Find one thing you can do better than most people and make something of it.
Work on the things you are bad at.
Start a business, put everything you’ve got into it and watch it grow (you’ll love it when you start to see the dollar bills rolling in).
And in everything you do don’t be fazed by failure.
You’ll be happy with yourself and where you are in life because all your successes did not “need” a woman or a working relationship.

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Attractive to Women

You might be asking yourself “How exactly is this attractive to women?”

If you don’t want to come across to a woman as a needy and desperate guy, you must be comfortable with a life excluding that very girl you are trying to attract.

It’s simple — once you get the hang of living a dating-free life, you come across to women as a guy who is sure of himself, confident even without a working relationship, and very different from the rest.

Besides, once you are happy being single, girls will notice and wonder how come you are so sure of yourself and will naturally want a share of your happiness. If you are comfortable being single you’ll convey the message that “Baby, whether you reject me or not, I don’t care because I don’t need you to be happy”.

She will know that saying no will be her loss not yours because you don’t “need” her.

Once you get at that stage where you are perfectly happy single, it’s the women who’ll be doing the chasing.

So yeah, if you wanna be a chick magnet, remove girls from your life and start pursuing other things.

Learn to live without women.

Just don’t stay single for too long. Because there are way too many girls on this earth and life’s too short. So you’ll have to juggle dating and other activities.

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“Just Be Yourself” Is Bad Advice and Here’s Why !!

Every day I’m emailed tons of tips and articles. Every day I read hundreds of new posts in the SoSuave Discussion Forum. Every day I surf the net looking for the latest, greatest relationship info. Every day I read books and magazines about dating, relationships, and women.

I see it all.

The basic. The advanced. The good. The bad. And the ugly. Man, do I see a lot of the ugly!

Undoubtedly, the most common tip I see, whether it’s in an article written by some famous relationship guru, or a post to a discussion group by some 15-year old hs freshman… is JUST BE YOURSELF.

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If sheer volume were any indication of quality, then this tip would surely be in the girl-gettin Hall of Fame.

Unfortunately, volume is no indication of quality when it comes to relationship advice. In fact, much of the time it’s just the opposite. “Just Be Yourself” is the one tip I’ll never use. Not at the web site. Not in the newsletter. Not anywhere.

Just be yourself (abbreviated JBY from now on – because I’m a lazy typer) is a dangerous or, at the very least, counter-productive tip for a number of reasons.

Be Very Careful Whose Advice You Follow

JBY is the advice you’re most likely to receive from someone who has no clue about how women, dating, and relationships work.

It doesn’t matter if that person is male or female, young or old, single or married — it’s the stock relationship answer when one doesn’t know or can’t think of anything else to say… but doesn’t want to seem as clueless as he/she actually is.

Ask your buddy what women want, or your mother, or your minister, or Dr. Expert. They’ll probably hit you with some version of JBY. Why? Not because it’s the correct answer, but because they themselves have no idea what women want.

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But they have to say something, right? And besides, they’ve been hearing JBY for their entire lives. It must be the right answer. How could something be so prevalent, and be wrong?

As a side benefit, JBY is also an answer which allows the advice-giver to feel a sense of smugness or superiority… as if simply seeking relationship advice in the first place is somehow indicative of lower intelligence or underdeveloped social skills. And oh how people like to feel smug!

But what happens if you press them a little, ask for more details? Tell them that you’ve been “just being yourself” your entire life and it’s pretty much gotten you nowhere at all with women. In fact, you haven’t even had a date in 2 years.

What about that?

At this point they’ll probably shovel you the stock follow-up answer — “You just have to be patient and eventually you’ll meet someone who’s right for you.”

Oh, and don’t forget, “And if it doesn’t work out between you and her, than it wasn’t meant to be.”

Be yourself – patience – faith. That’s about the extent of the advice you’re likely to receive.

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I consider this to be utterly Ridiculous !!

What kind of advice or help is this to a person who’s been struggling with women his whole life? A person who goes on one date every 6 months… and never gets a second date? A person who’s lonely, depressed, unhappy? A person who’s obviously doing something wrong but has no idea what it might be?

Rather than simply JBYing, and waiting patiently, and having faith, perhaps it would be more beneficial if the troubled person would decide to TAKE CHARGE and actively create the kind of life he wants. To learn the mistakes he’s been making in the past and how to correct this in the future. To learn the correct attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts which will enable him to attract and keep the woman or women he wants.

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This would be useful advice!

But then we’d run into another problem.

A Convenient Excuse For Not Doing Anything

You see, the second major reason that JBY is so common and a potentially damaging piece of advice is that it gives the person in need an EXCUSE for not doing anything. A convenient excuse, validated by others (after all he asked), for continuing to do what he’s always done. A convenient excuse to do only what he wants to do, or what feels comfortable for him.

A convenient excuse to sit on the couch every evening drinking beer and watching TV… because, after all, he’s the kind of guy who likes to sit on the couch, drink beer, and watch TV. He’s just being himself!

You see being a Don Juan is not about being yourself. And it’s certainly not about pretending to be someone that you’re not. It’s about becoming the person that you want to be. It’s about self-improvement and reaching your full potential. It’s about feeling good, being happy, and learning new things.

Time and time again I’ve gotten emails from people telling me how the information at SoSuave.com has changed their lives for the better. How they now understand “the game” better, and how their social lives have dramatically improved as a result.

Yet — get this — when they tell their friends about the site, about all the cool information there, and how it changed their lives… their friends are not the least bit interested.

Or their friends may even think the whole idea of “learning” how to act around women is ridiculous and try to make them feel bad for even suggesting such a thing.

The friends will then preach JBY to the person, and try to convince the person that he doesn’t need “tricks and gimmicks” to do well with women.

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Those Friends of Yours

These oh-so-wise friends are the same ones who cower in a corner when out at a bar. The same friends who spend most of their time surfing the net or playing computer games. The same friends who insist that you should buy flowers, write love notes, be “friends” first, take her to the most expensive restaurant in town, tell her you love her (on the first date, no less), etc.

In other words, these friends don’t have a clue, yet have the audacity to preach JBY to those who are trying to improve themselves and understand what really works.

Talk to them about challenge, body language, confusion, desperation, confidence, conversational strategies, or any of the other Basic Stuff at this site, and watch as their eyes glaze over like a deer caught in headlights.

Are you actually going to take advice from these people?

Why are they like this? Why can’t they see that JBYing is not working for them? Why can’t they understand that simply learning and implementing a few simple “tactics” could dramatically improve their lives?

Because they’re lazy!

It’s All About Self-Improvement

Becoming a Don Juan is about self-improvement. And self-improvement oftentimes involves work. Take a look at all the info here at SoSuave.com. It would take WEEKS just to read it all. Then you have to commit it to memory. Then implement and practice. This takes time and effort.

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Make no mistake about it… you’re not going to go from a Non Juan to a Don Juan over night.

Do you think that Michael Jordan became the greatest basketball player in history by JBYing? When he failed to make the varsity team in High School, do you think he went home and said, “Oh well. I guess I’m just not much of a basketball player. But I’m sure there must be something else I can do.”?

I don’t think so. He grabbed the freakin ball, and practiced, and practiced, and practiced.

He wanted to be great. He decided that he was going to be great. And then he made himself great!

What Do Women Do?

What about women? Do you think that they subscribe to the JBY model of dating?

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You tell me…

They spend hours working on their hair, their makeup, their skin, and everything else imaginable before going out. They spend untold fortunes on clothes, shoes, accessories, diet pills, and anything else they can find to make themselves more attractive.

And have you ever read Cosmo, Glamour, or any of the other women’s magazines on the stand? Just look at the covers.

They’re having slumber parties, giggling, and professing the merits of playing hard to get, not returning phone calls, flirting strategies, not looking desperate, body language, or whatever. They’re learning the “game” and how to play it… and very, very well.

We’re busy JBYing… and they’re researching, studying, and practicing. Is it any wonder that in most relationships the woman is in complete control? Is it any wonder that most guys, when they do occasionally get a date, make complete fools of themselves?

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Is it any wonder that YOU’RE having so much trouble with women?

I think not. In fact, I think being an “idiot” is the norm for men. I think most guys are completely clueless.

And that’s why those of you smart enough to seek out this site are destined for greatness.

Those of you who visit the site regularly, those of you who study and practice, those of you who’ve dedicated yourselves to learning and improving, should be commended. You are in the minority. And if you keep at it, you will reap the rewards.

And, oh man, how sweet the rewards !!!

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The importance of eyes when engaging in social interaction. Especially with all those gorgeous women to look at!

Let’s talk a little bit about the eyes…

The eyes are quite amazing! Very few things surpass the importance of our eyes when engaged in social interaction… especially with those gorgeous women we love to feast them upon.

I’m not talking about eye contact in this article. Or the way we use our eyes to connect and disconnect, with others. I’m talking about the eyes themselves… specifically the pupils of your eyes.

Three EXTREMELY IMPORTANT things to understand right up front:

The pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger when we see someone we’re attracted to.
Larger, dilated pupils are seen as more attractive than smaller, contracted pupils.
We like those who like us.
Okay…

Whenever we see someone we like, the pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger. It’s almost as if our eyes are trying to see as much of this person as possible. This is an involuntary and uncontrollable physiological response.

Look Into My Eyes…

An eye can threaten like a loaded and levelled gun, or it can insult like hissing or kicking; or, in its altered mood, by beams of kindness, it can make the heart dance for joy. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. – Saint Jerome

Thus, you can often tell if a woman is attracted to you by observing her pupils, and noting whether they expand or contract (or maybe do nothing) when she looks at you.

(Note: contracting would not be good for you… as it likely means she not only is not attracted to you, but actively dislikes you. Sorry about that.)

I say, “often tell,” because sometimes the environment can interfere with the “psychological” responses of our pupils. If you’re outside on a bright sunny day, it may be difficult for even your magnificence to dilate her pupils. Similarly, if you’re together in a dimly lit room, her pupils are probably going to be dilated no matter how much she despises you.

One other thing to keep in mind is her base level, or natural pupil size. This varies somewhat from person to person. Some people have larger pupils and some have smaller pupils. So to effectively judge “your” effect on her, you’re going to have to keep in mind her base level and judge the “change” when she gazes longingly (you hope) in your direction.

Please try to be inconspicuous about this. Do NOT tell her what you’re doing. If she had any idea it would make her very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, keep in mind that if gorgeous girl you’ve been checking out knows her pupil physiology, she already “knows” you’re attracted to her. She can see it in your eyes. And, short of wearing sunglasses or avoiding all eye contact, there’s not much you can do about it.

But I wouldn’t worry about this too much. There’s very little chance that your average lady is going to understand this particular psycho-physiological response. After all, she probably doesn’t subscribe to The Don Juan Newsletter like you do. (YOU LUCKY DOG, YOU!)

The second thing to keep in mind is that larger, dilated pupils are considered more physically attractive (and more friendly) than are smaller, contracted pupils.

For example, studies with photographs have shown that attractiveness increases as pupil size increases. Likewise, if the researchers altered the pupil sizes in the photographs to make them smaller, they could decrease the attractiveness of the individuals in the photos.

We’re talking about the SAME target photos here. Increasing or decreasing the pupil sizes of the same photos and noting the perceived level of attractiveness as rated by the subjects. We’re not comparing different people with different pupil sizes and concluding that those with larger pupils are seen as more attractive than those with smaller pupils. Obviously, there are a lot of other variables to consider when comparing different individuals.

Ever heard of the Belladonna plant?

Belladonna is Italian for “beautiful lady” and was frequently used by 16th century women to give their eyes a sexy and dreamy look (by dilating the pupils).

An important point to keep in mind is that these pupil attractiveness effects operate in a “subconscious” fashion. The people in the experiments know they like the photos with the dilated pupils better, but they don’t know exactly why. The person just seems “more handsome” or “prettier” or “friendlier” somehow. They do not realize the pupils have been altered physically by the researchers.

Thus, ideally, you would like for your pupils to be as large as possible when gazing at women you’re attracted to (making you more attractive). And luckily, as mentioned in the first part of this article, that is exactly what happens. (Cool, huh?)

You see a beautiful girl. Your pupils dilate. The large pupils cause her to see you as more attractive than she otherwise might. Your responses are automatic. Her responses are subconscious. Works out pretty well doesn’t it?

Keep in mind that it works the other way as well. If a girl is attracted to you her pupils will dilate when she’s looking at you. As a result, you will see her as being more attractive than you might otherwise think her to be. Again, both reactions are automatic and usually subconscious.

The third major point discussed in this article is that we like those who like us.

We are almost always attracted to those who are attracted to us. Why? Could be many possible reasons for this. But probably the main reason is because when another person likes us, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives us an ego boost and increases our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Like it or not, we often judge ourselves by other people’s reactions to us. If others seem to like us, then we feel good about ourselves. If others don’t seem to like us, then we may feel bad about ourselves. Not always, but much of the time.

Given this principle of reciprocal liking, we now have a logical explanation to explain the attractiveness effects described above.

When you look at a girl you’re attracted to, your pupils dilate. Subconsciously, she notices your dilated pupils and concludes that you like her and are attracted to her. Since people who like her give her an ego boost and make her feel good about herself, she becomes more attracted to you than she might be otherwise. Does this make sense?

So remember…

“If you want someone to like you, then like them.”

This simple principle has been known for ages. Yet it’s amazing how few people really understand it or practice it. And how dearly this lack of understanding costs them.

Now that we understand the three points discussed above, the question becomes, “How can we use this information to enrich our lives by making ourselves more attractive to women?”

I’ll go over a few possible scenarios, but use your imagination. There are dozens of ways to use the knowledge you now possess to add love, romance, and excitement to your life.

Ever wonder why a candlelit dinner with wine is considered so romantic? Think about it. The dim light dilates the pupils of both individuals, making them both more attractive to one another than they usually are (not to mention hiding minor physical flaws). And the alcohol in the wine accentuates the pupil dilation even more.

Yes, alcohol dilates the pupils. It also promotes relaxation and reduces inhibitions. It’s definitely your friend on a date. But be careful not to abuse the alcohol. A little is romantic. A lot becomes unpredictable and can wind up ruining the evening.

Another tip you may find helpful: remember to gaze into the eyes of that beautiful lady you’re interested in. You’re attracted to her. Your pupils dilate. She subconsciously recognizes your attraction. She likes those wise individuals who like her. She feels good. She starts to like you.

And all you’ve done is look into her beautiful eyes. You haven’t really said or “risked” anything. Seems pretty simple doesn’t it?

(Don’t be surprised if she tells her girlfriends “what beautiful eyes” you have.)

I know. I know. You’re shy. You usually go to extremes in order to avoid eye contact… especially with women you’re attracted to. You look down. You look away. You look anywhere but into “the eyes.”

You’d rather die than let her know you’re attracted to her. You want her to be attracted to you first. Once you’re sure she’s attracted to you, then maybe you’ll let on a little that you’re attracted to her as well.

BIG MISTAKE!

Remember, if you want someone to like you, like them. And let them know you like them. Look into her eyes and smile. Force yourself to… just for a couple seconds every now and then.

I’m not talking about staring into her eyes until the sweat starts popping from her brow. Staring will simply make her feel uncomfortable.

Just add a little casual eye contact into your conversations with her. And smile. Remember, she will come to like you BECAUSE you like her.

Another example…

Ever go to bars? Ever notice how beautiful the women in bars look?

Yes, the women definitely dress to impress. But also, bars are usually dimly lit with alcohol consumption the norm. Dilated pupils and reduced inhibitions everywhere you look.

And do these beautiful ladies get even more beautiful at closing time? Ever heard that? It could be, of course, that you’re more desperate at closing time (or too drunk to tell the difference).

It’s also very likely that as the evening winds along and the women drink more and more, that they actually do get more beautiful. Their pupils become more and more dilated giving their eyes that sexy, dreamy look (remember Belladonna?).

Think about the *secrets* I’ve just revealed to you. And be sure to ACT upon what you now KNOW.

Allen Thompson


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Looking for the Most Powerful and Fun Girl-Getting Technique Ever?

I’m browsing through a Pier 1 Imports store, checking out the many cool and unique items, I’m feeling good — very good, in fact. It’s hot, the sun is shining, and there’s some hip reggae on the sound system. (Nothing like the combination of heat, sun, and reggae to bring out my not-so-deeply-hidden parrothead side.)

I’m bouncing through the store, a big smile on my face, practically dancing through the isles, and finding all kinds of interesting stuff for the “bachelor pad.”

I look up, and what do I spy, but a major cutie (a store employee) in the tightest, most form-fittingest jeans I’ve ever seen. She’s been watching me it appears, checking me out. As I catch her eye, she startles, and immediately looks the other way, getting back to her work — putting things on shelves and such.

I smile to myself.

Then I just laugh.

I knew this one was going to be easy. My “work” was already done.

She hadn’t just noticed me, she had seen me HAPPY. She had witnessed me bouncing around with a big smile on my face, dancing through the isles, feeling great, almost like a kid in a candy store. I knew, assuming she wasn’t married, the outcome of our imminent interaction was pretty much assured.

I continued my browsing, and about 3 minutes later she comes over to see if I need any help. Conversation, flirting, and laughter ensued, numbers were exchanged, and we both went on our merry little ways… just a little bit happier than we were before.

It really doesn’t get any easier.

It really doesn’t have to be all that hard.

At this site we talk about a lot of cool and unusual ways of attracting and intriguing women. And these are cool, interesting, and great to read, no doubt about it.

But we often ignore and overlook some of the most basic “techniques.” And that, unfortunately, includes the most basic, most important, most powerful, and EASIEST WAY to capture a woman’s heart, mind, and imagination — and that’s simply the power of happiness.

Happiness will get you women!

And nothing is easier or more powerful!

NO, not even the “confidence” that we so frequently discuss.

A happy man with low confidence will have little trouble with women, while an unhappy man with high confidence may find himself struggling. Of course, that being said, happiness and confidence almost always go together. Happy guys are generally pretty confident guys, and confident guys are generally pretty happy guys.

There’s not a perfect correlation, but they’re related enough that it’s reasonable to assume that if we can increase our level of happiness, then we’d most likely also increase our level of confidence. And vice versa.

So rather than focus so much on building confidence, which most guys seem to have quite a problem achieving, maybe a better strategy might be to focus on building happiness.

You have to remember that most people in this world are not all that happy. Most are just getting by, often bored, frequently depressed, rarely excited. So when they meet someone who is happy and who seems to be happy most of the time, they’re intrigued, fascinated, and drawn to that person.

They want to try to get some of that happiness for themselves!

And this is especially true for women.

Remember, women are highly emotional critters. They don’t think logically like you and me. They like, want, NEED to feel things. So if you can capture a woman’s emotions, make her think that you bring, spread, and exude “happiness” wherever you go, she’ll do just about anything to get you, and just about anything to keep you.

So YOU, my future Dons, are going to be Mr. Happiness, Mr. Positivity, Mr. I’m Doing Great! You are going to be her happiness drug, her “fix.” And friends, when you are not around, she’s going to have FREAKIN WITHDRAWAL PAINS!

You are NOT going to be like everyone else… one of the many, lonely, pathetic individuals looking for happiness, excitement, and personal fulfillment in OTHERS. You are not going to be that unhappy, bored, lethargic individual desperately searching for your “soul mate” to make your life wonderful and complete…

…like 98% of the people in this world!!

You are going to be the one doing the attracting, not the one doing the chasing. Attracting because you have, or seem to have, what women, and everyone else, wants. You are going to be what they are looking for. You are going to be a Don Juan.

I can hear some of you: “I understand what you’re saying, and you’re right. But I’m not really all that happy. I’m lonely. My life is dull. I’m tired of watching television. I’m tired of staying home all the time. But I know if I had that one special girl in my life, to do things with, then I’d be happy. Heck, that’s why I came to this site.”

And you’re right. You probably would be happier if you had a special girl in your life, especially one that really rocks your world. Girls is good stuff to have around, no doubt about it.

And, by the way, that’s one of the reasons for the “feast or famine” dating phenomenon that most every guy is familiar with.

It seems that when it comes to attracting and dating women, you’re either surrounded by women who are all shamelessly throwing themselves at you… or you’re surrounded by women who are all doing their best to completely ignore you (and doing a great job at it). There doesn’t really seem to be much of a middle ground.

You either have more women than you can handle, or you have no women that you can handle.

Of course one of the primary reasons for this is the “happiness” factor. When you’re seeing that special girl that really gets your griddle sizzlin, you’re happy, much happier than your usual self… and other girls notice, other girls are intrigued, other girls want to find out more, and other girls want to try to get a little bit of that happiness for themselves.

At this point, it’s easy. You don’t even really have to try. You’re on the verge of Don Juanism… at least temporarily.

On the other hand, when you’re lonely, depressed, bored, desperate… you “show it” — with your body language, your facial expressions, the tone in your voice, etc. — and girls want nothing to do with you. They’ve got enough unhappiness and misery of their own. They don’t need to be worrying about you as well.

So yes I can understand you wanting to find someone special in order to be happy. That is what most guys (and girls) do. Unfortunately, this is putting the Don Juan Cart Before the Horse so to speak.

If you’re looking for someone else to make you happy, to give your life meaning, to make you “complete”, then you’re doing things, as the French would say, bass ackwards. Yes, you’re doing things like 98% of the people in the world, but it’s still wrong.

So wrong.

Just wrong.

 

Don Juans don’t pursue women in a desperate, pathetic attempt at happiness, or to complete themselves, or any of the other hogwash that Hollywood likes to dish out. Don Juan’s make themselves happy, deliriously happy, FIRST. And then “pick and choose” amongst all the incredible women who are now interested, attracted, and intrigued. This is the goal.

This is the Holy Grail of dating.

The goal is not simply to pursue so many women that eventually you wind up catching one or two. Well, maybe at first, but not ultimately.

The goal is to develop that “aura” that attracts, intrigues, fascinates… and gets them pursuing you. (Note: You may still have to make most of the “moves.” But the women will do their best to make it extremely easy for you.)

Okay, if we can accept the fact that happiness attracts women like nothing else, let’s talk just briefly about HOW TO GET HAPPY.

In the future we’ll talk more extensively about ways to temporarily “fake” happiness, especially when you’re not really feeling all that great. But let us here, first of all, talk about some ways to actually make ourselves a little happier, really.

I’m not going to try to distill the wisdom of the ages into just a few paragraphs. Heck, there are probably hundreds of books at your local bookstore dealing with this very subject. But I would like to give you an easy exercise that just might get you jump-started in the right direction.

First, remember that happiness and unhappiness work a little something like this:

We are happy when we’re thinking good things and unhappy when thinking bad things. In other words, our thoughts, or what we CHOOSE to think about, determine whether we are happy or not. (Nothing really mind-boggling here, folks.)

If we’re thinking about ourselves in a negative way (what we lack, our particular faults, things we don’t like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who are seemingly more blessed than us (guys who are rich, famous, handsome, surrounded by women), then we’re not going to be very happy… and others will notice.

However, if we’re thinking about ourselves in a positive way (what we have, all our good points, about things that we really like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be less fortunate than us, then we’re going to be much happier… and people will notice.

In other words, happiness is not something that “happens” to you; it’s not something that’s objectively determined and out of your control. Happiness is determined entirely by what you think, and what you think is up to you.

You can be destitute, alone, living in a cardboard box, and still be deliriously happy if you choose to be. (Maybe focusing your mental energy on your good health and feeling bad for the fellow living in the box next to you who can hardly walk.)

You can also be the richest, best-looking, most famous and well-liked guy in the world, and still be miserable, if you choose to focus on “bad” things. (Maybe the love of your life divorced you two years ago, your nephew died recently, you don’t think you have any “real” friends, or whatever.)

Again, this is not mind-boggling stuff here. I hope you all realize this already.

So what we need to do in order to make ourselves happier, and start attracting the chickies, is to train ourselves in the HABIT of happiness thinking. Happiness is a habit of thought — it’s a learned, conditioned behavior.

Most people, unfortunately, have developed the habit of unhappiness thinking. Always obsessing over what they don’t have, what they hate about themselves, constantly comparing themselves to others who are better off, etc.

In order to become Don Juans, we need to retrain our minds. We need to train our minds to habitually think happy thoughts rather than unhappy ones.

The following is very simple, very commonsensical, but will definitely work, if you give it a try.

Take out a piece of paper and begin writing down happiness thoughts — things which when you read or think about them trigger states of happiness, or confidence, or pleasure in your mind.

For example, write down all the things you like about yourself, all the things you’ve accomplished, all the things that make you a great human being to be around. Include things such as:

  • personality characteristics (your great sense of humor)
  • physical characteristics (your killer hair)
  • accomplishments (your MS in electrical engineering)
  • specific memories that put a smile on your face and make you feel good
  • possessions (maybe a great car that any woman would be lucky to even sit in)
  • friends, family, associates
  • etc.

Anything and everything you can think of. Anything that makes you realize that you’re not a loser, that you’re actually a heck of a guy, and any woman would be LUCKY to have a shot at you.

Write down as many things as you can think of now — you may need several sheets of paper — then put the paper on your dresser or on your kitchen table or someplace conspicuous and continually add to it over the next couple weeks, every time you think of something new.

Heck, write down that smiling little girl that you saw on the news the other day, the one who’s 6 years old and already has had 15 operations because of a birth defect. How could anyone watch or think about something like that and not feel extremely fortunate that they themselves were born healthy and normal.

Once you have all your lists, you need to start training your mind to focus more on the great things about you and your life, rather than focusing on the things you don’t like.

To break the bad habit of negative, unhappiness thinking, we need to repeatedly, over a period of time, maybe a few weeks, force ourselves to think about, remember, and focus on things that generate a positive, confident, and happy emotional state.

We’re not going to get rid of our negative thoughts by not thinking about our faults and failures. (In order to consciously not think about something, you have to think about it.) We’re going to get rid of our negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones.

Once we have our sheets of paper, all we have to do is schedule time to review.

Spend 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep reviewing your lists. Spend another 5 or 10 minutes in the morning doing the same. 5 minutes during lunch. Another 5 in the afternoon.

Don’t make this hard. Don’t make it a chore. It should actually be fun and something that you look forward to. (Who doesn’t like to feel good?)

Spend a few weeks doing this, a few weeks reviewing your lists and retraining your mind. It WILL work. Your thinking will change. Your manner will change. Your walk will change. Your body language will change. Your confidence will change. You will become happier.

And the women will notice!