I’m browsing through a Pier 1 Imports store, checking out the many cool and unique items, I’m feeling good — very good, in fact. It’s hot, the sun is shining, and there’s some hip reggae on the sound system. (Nothing like the combination of heat, sun, and reggae to bring out my not-so-deeply-hidden parrothead side.)
I’m bouncing through the store, a big smile on my face, practically dancing through the isles, and finding all kinds of interesting stuff for the “bachelor pad.”
I look up, and what do I spy, but a major cutie (a store employee) in the tightest, most form-fittingest jeans I’ve ever seen. She’s been watching me it appears, checking me out. As I catch her eye, she startles, and immediately looks the other way, getting back to her work — putting things on shelves and such.
I smile to myself.
Then I just laugh.
I knew this one was going to be easy. My “work” was already done.
She hadn’t just noticed me, she had seen me HAPPY. She had witnessed me bouncing around with a big smile on my face, dancing through the isles, feeling great, almost like a kid in a candy store. I knew, assuming she wasn’t married, the outcome of our imminent interaction was pretty much assured.
I continued my browsing, and about 3 minutes later she comes over to see if I need any help. Conversation, flirting, and laughter ensued, numbers were exchanged, and we both went on our merry little ways… just a little bit happier than we were before.
It really doesn’t get any easier.
It really doesn’t have to be all that hard.
At this site we talk about a lot of cool and unusual ways of attracting and intriguing women. And these are cool, interesting, and great to read, no doubt about it.
But we often ignore and overlook some of the most basic “techniques.” And that, unfortunately, includes the most basic, most important, most powerful, and EASIEST WAY to capture a woman’s heart, mind, and imagination — and that’s simply the power of happiness.
Happiness will get you women!
And nothing is easier or more powerful!
NO, not even the “confidence” that we so frequently discuss.
A happy man with low confidence will have little trouble with women, while an unhappy man with high confidence may find himself struggling. Of course, that being said, happiness and confidence almost always go together. Happy guys are generally pretty confident guys, and confident guys are generally pretty happy guys.
There’s not a perfect correlation, but they’re related enough that it’s reasonable to assume that if we can increase our level of happiness, then we’d most likely also increase our level of confidence. And vice versa.
So rather than focus so much on building confidence, which most guys seem to have quite a problem achieving, maybe a better strategy might be to focus on building happiness.
You have to remember that most people in this world are not all that happy. Most are just getting by, often bored, frequently depressed, rarely excited. So when they meet someone who is happy and who seems to be happy most of the time, they’re intrigued, fascinated, and drawn to that person.
They want to try to get some of that happiness for themselves!
And this is especially true for women.
Remember, women are highly emotional critters. They don’t think logically like you and me. They like, want, NEED to feel things. So if you can capture a woman’s emotions, make her think that you bring, spread, and exude “happiness” wherever you go, she’ll do just about anything to get you, and just about anything to keep you.
So YOU, my future Dons, are going to be Mr. Happiness, Mr. Positivity, Mr. I’m Doing Great! You are going to be her happiness drug, her “fix.” And friends, when you are not around, she’s going to have FREAKIN WITHDRAWAL PAINS!
You are NOT going to be like everyone else… one of the many, lonely, pathetic individuals looking for happiness, excitement, and personal fulfillment in OTHERS. You are not going to be that unhappy, bored, lethargic individual desperately searching for your “soul mate” to make your life wonderful and complete…
…like 98% of the people in this world!!
You are going to be the one doing the attracting, not the one doing the chasing. Attracting because you have, or seem to have, what women, and everyone else, wants. You are going to be what they are looking for. You are going to be a Don Juan.
I can hear some of you: “I understand what you’re saying, and you’re right. But I’m not really all that happy. I’m lonely. My life is dull. I’m tired of watching television. I’m tired of staying home all the time. But I know if I had that one special girl in my life, to do things with, then I’d be happy. Heck, that’s why I came to this site.”
And you’re right. You probably would be happier if you had a special girl in your life, especially one that really rocks your world. Girls is good stuff to have around, no doubt about it.
And, by the way, that’s one of the reasons for the “feast or famine” dating phenomenon that most every guy is familiar with.
It seems that when it comes to attracting and dating women, you’re either surrounded by women who are all shamelessly throwing themselves at you… or you’re surrounded by women who are all doing their best to completely ignore you (and doing a great job at it). There doesn’t really seem to be much of a middle ground.
You either have more women than you can handle, or you have no women that you can handle.
Of course one of the primary reasons for this is the “happiness” factor. When you’re seeing that special girl that really gets your griddle sizzlin, you’re happy, much happier than your usual self… and other girls notice, other girls are intrigued, other girls want to find out more, and other girls want to try to get a little bit of that happiness for themselves.
At this point, it’s easy. You don’t even really have to try. You’re on the verge of Don Juanism… at least temporarily.
On the other hand, when you’re lonely, depressed, bored, desperate… you “show it” — with your body language, your facial expressions, the tone in your voice, etc. — and girls want nothing to do with you. They’ve got enough unhappiness and misery of their own. They don’t need to be worrying about you as well.
So yes I can understand you wanting to find someone special in order to be happy. That is what most guys (and girls) do. Unfortunately, this is putting the Don Juan Cart Before the Horse so to speak.
If you’re looking for someone else to make you happy, to give your life meaning, to make you “complete”, then you’re doing things, as the French would say, bass ackwards. Yes, you’re doing things like 98% of the people in the world, but it’s still wrong.
Don Juans don’t pursue women in a desperate, pathetic attempt at happiness, or to complete themselves, or any of the other hogwash that Hollywood likes to dish out. Don Juan’s make themselves happy, deliriously happy, FIRST. And then “pick and choose” amongst all the incredible women who are now interested, attracted, and intrigued. This is the goal.
This is the Holy Grail of dating.
The goal is not simply to pursue so many women that eventually you wind up catching one or two. Well, maybe at first, but not ultimately.
The goal is to develop that “aura” that attracts, intrigues, fascinates… and gets them pursuing you. (Note: You may still have to make most of the “moves.” But the women will do their best to make it extremely easy for you.)
Okay, if we can accept the fact that happiness attracts women like nothing else, let’s talk just briefly about HOW TO GET HAPPY.
In the future we’ll talk more extensively about ways to temporarily “fake” happiness, especially when you’re not really feeling all that great. But let us here, first of all, talk about some ways to actually make ourselves a little happier, really.
I’m not going to try to distill the wisdom of the ages into just a few paragraphs. Heck, there are probably hundreds of books at your local bookstore dealing with this very subject. But I would like to give you an easy exercise that just might get you jump-started in the right direction.
First, remember that happiness and unhappiness work a little something like this:
We are happy when we’re thinking good things and unhappy when thinking bad things. In other words, our thoughts, or what we CHOOSE to think about, determine whether we are happy or not. (Nothing really mind-boggling here, folks.)
If we’re thinking about ourselves in a negative way (what we lack, our particular faults, things we don’t like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who are seemingly more blessed than us (guys who are rich, famous, handsome, surrounded by women), then we’re not going to be very happy… and others will notice.
However, if we’re thinking about ourselves in a positive way (what we have, all our good points, about things that we really like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be less fortunate than us, then we’re going to be much happier… and people will notice.
In other words, happiness is not something that “happens” to you; it’s not something that’s objectively determined and out of your control. Happiness is determined entirely by what you think, and what you think is up to you.
You can be destitute, alone, living in a cardboard box, and still be deliriously happy if you choose to be. (Maybe focusing your mental energy on your good health and feeling bad for the fellow living in the box next to you who can hardly walk.)
You can also be the richest, best-looking, most famous and well-liked guy in the world, and still be miserable, if you choose to focus on “bad” things. (Maybe the love of your life divorced you two years ago, your nephew died recently, you don’t think you have any “real” friends, or whatever.)
Again, this is not mind-boggling stuff here. I hope you all realize this already.
So what we need to do in order to make ourselves happier, and start attracting the chickies, is to train ourselves in the HABIT of happiness thinking. Happiness is a habit of thought — it’s a learned, conditioned behavior.
Most people, unfortunately, have developed the habit of unhappiness thinking. Always obsessing over what they don’t have, what they hate about themselves, constantly comparing themselves to others who are better off, etc.
In order to become Don Juans, we need to retrain our minds. We need to train our minds to habitually think happy thoughts rather than unhappy ones.
The following is very simple, very commonsensical, but will definitely work, if you give it a try.
Take out a piece of paper and begin writing down happiness thoughts — things which when you read or think about them trigger states of happiness, or confidence, or pleasure in your mind.
For example, write down all the things you like about yourself, all the things you’ve accomplished, all the things that make you a great human being to be around. Include things such as:
- personality characteristics (your great sense of humor)
- physical characteristics (your killer hair)
- accomplishments (your MS in electrical engineering)
- specific memories that put a smile on your face and make you feel good
- possessions (maybe a great car that any woman would be lucky to even sit in)
- friends, family, associates
Anything and everything you can think of. Anything that makes you realize that you’re not a loser, that you’re actually a heck of a guy, and any woman would be LUCKY to have a shot at you.
Write down as many things as you can think of now — you may need several sheets of paper — then put the paper on your dresser or on your kitchen table or someplace conspicuous and continually add to it over the next couple weeks, every time you think of something new.
Heck, write down that smiling little girl that you saw on the news the other day, the one who’s 6 years old and already has had 15 operations because of a birth defect. How could anyone watch or think about something like that and not feel extremely fortunate that they themselves were born healthy and normal.
Once you have all your lists, you need to start training your mind to focus more on the great things about you and your life, rather than focusing on the things you don’t like.
To break the bad habit of negative, unhappiness thinking, we need to repeatedly, over a period of time, maybe a few weeks, force ourselves to think about, remember, and focus on things that generate a positive, confident, and happy emotional state.
We’re not going to get rid of our negative thoughts by not thinking about our faults and failures. (In order to consciously not think about something, you have to think about it.) We’re going to get rid of our negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones.
Once we have our sheets of paper, all we have to do is schedule time to review.
Spend 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep reviewing your lists. Spend another 5 or 10 minutes in the morning doing the same. 5 minutes during lunch. Another 5 in the afternoon.
Don’t make this hard. Don’t make it a chore. It should actually be fun and something that you look forward to. (Who doesn’t like to feel good?)
Spend a few weeks doing this, a few weeks reviewing your lists and retraining your mind. It WILL work. Your thinking will change. Your manner will change. Your walk will change. Your body language will change. Your confidence will change. You will become happier.
And the women will notice!